Je suis desole...

Please forgive my absence from the blogworld...I have a lot of explaining to do.
Promise to get back to you all real soon.

Best,
Lisa

100 Things About Me!

I've been avoiding this one for a long time, so here goes nothing.

1. I am lucky.
2. In life, in love, in work, in friends, sort-of with the family.
3. I am completely in love with the man man.
4. Some days I am really crappy at showing my love for the man man.
5. Some days I do exceedingly well at showing my love for the man man.
6. I am a worrier.
7. Nail biter.
8. Lip chewer.
9. I have a huge guilt complex.
10. Don't know where it came from.
11. Don't know how to get rid of it.
12. I have many addictions.
13. I thoroughly enjoy crappy girlie paperback novels.
14. Love smoking that early morning cigarette.
14b. Hate smelling like smoke.
15. Amazon.com is my favorite website.
15b. Have maxed out credit cards on Amazon.com and I am not ashamed.
16. Love the sun.
16b. Love having a tan (I don't do so well with the pastiness)
17. Love to cook.
17b. More specifically - bake.
19. My mother taught me how to cook (and bake).
20. Miss my parents...even though they are only and hour and a half away.
21. Have great parents.
22. I am fully thankful for my parents.
23. Was adopted.
24. Hate that I am adopted.
25. But thankful. Very thankful.
26. My biological mother was nothing more than an egg donor and a whore.
26b. We don't really get along.
27. My biological father I am still on the fence with.
28. I have two half brothers that I have never met.
29. I have two brothers that I grew up with that I hardly know.
30. Still struggling with the adoption issue.
31. Have a fantastic job...could be career?
32. I am the art department for a classic rock station.
33. Could there be a cooler job?
33b. My co-workers call me 'the ninja'
34. I am such a computer geek.
35. Don't know how that happened either.
36. The man man is a bigger computer geek - let's blame him!
37. Desperately need a hobby.
38. Have very few interests - there is a conflict.
39. Love to travel.
40. Wish I could travel more.
41. Yearn to go to Europe.
42. Learning to speak French.
43. Working on my Spanish.
44. I get nervous when I blog.
45. And smoke too many cigarettes.
46. I am fully in favor of cosmetic surgery.
47. Would like to have some cosmetic surgery.
48. My nose is broken in two places. Seriously.
49. If I was a rock star - I would be a drummer.
50. Even though I don't come fully equipped with any kind of rhythm.
51. I check my e-mail 15 times a day - at least.
52. Sometimes, I just leave it open in another tab and watch it.
53. E-mail is my preferred method of communication.
54. I am a certified wedding and event planner.
54b. Wish I had more weddings or events to plan.
55. I love weddings.
55b. And the whole process that goes along with it.
56. Looking forward to my own wedding.
57. Not rushing it.
58. I think I am extraordinarily funny.
59. I like to tell dirty jokes.
60. I am terrified that I have not done enough in my life.
61. I struggle with feelings of inadequacy.
62. I have fallen out of love with music.
63. Most of what comes out now is over-processed crap.
64. I have hope that I will enjoy music again.
65. I always thought that was a sign of getting old.
66. I am not happy about adulthood.
67. I burp a lot. Ridiculously a lot.
68. Can't help it.
69. Thankful the man man accepts me the way I am.
70. Want to go back to college.
71. Want to go to culinary school.
71b. More specifically - to pastry school.
72. I have large feet and big boobies.
73. I am truly annoyed that they don't make cuter shoes and bras for gals like me.
74. Spell check has ruined me and my handwriting has gone to shit.
75. Took a calligraphy class - and was really good at it (note: calligraphy and handwriting are two very different things).
76. Took a cake decorating class - and ate too much cake!
77. I want to learn how to blow glass.
78. I am a web designer - on the side.
79. I just joined the gym.
80. I hope you all give me shit when I don't go.
81. I hope I live to be really old.
82. I hope the man man and I get really old together.
83. I'm okay with wrinkles - I think they add character.
84. I believe there is a direct connection between headaches and the length of my toenails.
85. I don't watch TV, but I will download a whole season and watch it all in one sitting.
86. I want to learn to dance - I mean really dance.
87. I am a lover of useless knowledge.
88. And ridiculous flash games.
89. Pretty sure I want to start a cooking blog.
90. Maybe an adoption blog.
91. Love to be silly on this blog.
92. Wish I had more girl friends.
93. Miss my girl friends like crazy - it's a shame we're so far apart.
94. I lived in Hawaii for a while.
95. It changed me in the best ways. (To be honest I should say that living 5,000 miles away from everyone I know allowed me to change me in the best ways.)
96. I get overly excited about the smallest things - like new flip-flops.
97. I am a flip-flop fan! Probably have 25 pairs in my closet.
98. The only downside to flip-flops is the must-have pedicure.
99. I want to get more pedicures.
100. I have exceptionally great hair - 3 feet of exceptionally great hair - even with the hard water in San Antonio.
101. My dream car is a Blu Oceano Maserati GranTurismo! (very James Bondish)
101b. My dream SUV is the Stornoway Grey Metallic Range Rover.
102. I talk in cliches when I get nervous. I hate talking in cliche!
103. I can find an excuse for OR reason my way out of any situation. It's a real talent.
104. I am an awful liar. Seriously. But can still make excuses or reason.
105. I know that I'm well over 100 things, but you really just need to know them!

I cried.

Today I was out and about in blogland...and I stumbled upon this blog: www.twas-brillig.com and I bawled my eyes out. From there, I went to this blog: www.fueledbycoffee.blogspot.com where again, I bawled my eyes out. Great blogs, strong women, powerful stories, truly captivating.

This one is for my gal Ryan!

I have to be real honest here...I thought you gals were nuts to post the contents of your purse on your blog...but then I thought - I could post mine - I don't have half of the crazy shit that most of these chicks have - no problem. So here it is...the BIG BAG!


So, what have we got here? The BIG BAG (in the top left corner (that you can't really see so well because of my janky-ass camera)... A couple of books - yes - I read - Altered and HTML (yeah geek). A bunch of girliness - 2 nail files, 3 tubes of mascara (can we ever have enough?), lip gloss, eyeshadow, eyeliner, lotion, cuticle stuff, floss, 2 things of visine (red eye from staring at the computer - seriously), advil, excedrin, some Burts Bees lip stuff, nose spray and nail polish, kleenex - cause I'm a crier, diet pills (un-opened cause I'm a weenie and really want to take diet pills - but too scared to actually do it *frown*) That little pile of pills you see there, not narcotics *sad face*, but a multi-vitamin.

Let's see...as shit-ton of pens that I 'borrowed' from work, and extra pair of socks (cause you never know when the urge to go bowling might pop up), one lighter - which is really kind of shocking - cause I'm a smoker - I mean seriously! A cork (from a bottle of La Creme - mmmm delicious!) that I have no idea how it got into the BIG BAG? A tire pressure gage and a bottle opener (sounding like McGyver with every sentence here, huh?) A handful of change (zen) and a pile of post-its, receipts, note pads, and other crap that is crapping up my BIG BAG!

More girliness - hair claws, clips, and headband. Mardi Gras beads? No clue. A necklace and couple of ridiculously over sized earrings (hookerish?) Brown thread? huh?

Got to have my girlie wallet in addition to the 'man' wallet (it is seriously much more convenient) Staff passes for the Queensryche show - that we totally didn't get to go to. *sad face* Scissors, sunglasses, batteries, and chip clip? (and.......McGyver!)

And, of course, all my computer crap. A couple of power supplies, external harddrive, iPOD, flash drive, cell phone, cables and connectors, and a stack of CDs - mostly vectors, music, and programs - my goodness!

I think it's time for an upgrade - a BIGGER BAG YO!

Why not this too?

So, I've already exposed the contents of my purse (not too bad, eh?) so I figured I'd expose the outside of my fridge. I have an addiction - to refrigerator magnets - always have had - always will have, and I am now expanding to my desk (all metal) at work and will soon get to work on the dish washer...then the washing machine...and ooh - the dryer is magnetic, too - do magnets melt?

Moving on... Most of these magnets have a pretty cool story behind them. Claire brought me the square green bird one back from when she and her husband took a trip to Seattle. I picked up a few while I was in Hawaii - yes - authentic Hawaiian magnets! We got the pimp-ass pirate magnets when we went to Puerto Rico last Christmas - it was a really good find! Amy gave me the Henry Ford quote that says 'Whether you think you can or think you can't - You're right' for my birthday a few years ago. Some were special ordered (true addiction). Some were specially made for me (great gifts). Mom and Dad gifted me a few. My friend Helen (who I haven't spoken to in years) gave me the one that says 'Did I tell you today that I love you?' Well, I love you, Helen, where ever you may be. And I pick up the weird and random magnet here and there. Like all the 'funny bunny' ones I found at this gas station in bumblefuck Texas - and bought them all! There are actually about 4 more that go down the side, but justcouldn't get in the picture!

My mom about shit at some of them - like the one that says 'Gold Digger - Like a Hooker, Just Smarter!' or the one that in tiny little print says 'Nosey little fucker, aren't ya?' The best part about the crazy collection is the games I play with the man man - "Honey I got a new magnet today, did you see it?' He's almost always clueless but is sweet and plays along. I love that man man.

Check out this slide show feature!

I have to give credit to my friend Suzy...she found this sweet-ass program that makes a slide show for you AND WRITES ALL THE CODE FOR BLOGGER! You can make your own at slide.com - it's almost too easy! Just upload your photos - pick your theme, effects, music, and more, then save it, copy the code, and Voila! Slide show for your blog!

And a BIG thanks to Suzy for finding this awesome site! And by-the-way, these are all photos of her jewelry (I designed her website) so go check it out at www.suzybootz.com!

Look what I have created!

I made this logo for an apple mac software support site. (per the man man's request) they have some neat forums and if you ever need help with your mac - they'll be there to help you out - for free! Go check it out www.OSx86scene.com!

*This just got better! You can even order t-shirts and all kinds of crap with my logo on it! Check this out!

Movie Review Monday

This weekend the man man and I went to see No Reservations. The movie was a huge disappointment. Now, I gathered from the previews (which did a really good job at making you want to go see the movie) that this was going to be a sad movie, but with the happy little twist of love to make it all okay. I caught myself through the whole movie hoping that it would get better. Hoping that each scene would be the turning point of the movie, hoping that I would get some enjoyment out of this film. No. The characters were fully under developed. And the little girl (I think she's from Little Miss Sunshine) was completely unbelievable. But none of really made any sense - mostly because of the poor development of characters. You got bits and pieces - but not enough to make a strong connection of the character to their motivations to their emotions. No good. A complete waste of two hours of my life that I will never get back.

Boogers!

I know that my blog is looking like a big as booger, but hang tight, I'm working on a new template - so that it will be SUPER COOL! Seriously.

P.S. It's a big pain in my ass!

*UPDATE - I've gone from Booger to DooDoo Brown in a whole quick minute...we'll see what happens next!

Pussy

Me and the man man have two cats. Fritz and Dixie. Now, anyone who know me, knows how I feel about animals - I could do without. But, the man man was a package deal - he and the two cats. I have accepted it...it's worth it.

The cats, I am convinced, are out to get me...to suck the life out of me. Seriously. I know that they plot and plan behind my back to get me out. They scheme and connive. They are slowly trying to edge me out. They are clever and witty little bastards, too. They'll purr and paw and snuggle up to the man man, and scratch and hiss at me.

Fritz will beg and beg and beg to be let into the bedroom, so I let him in, go back to what I was doing, then he'll beg and beg and beg to be let out of the bedroom, so I let him out, go back to what I was doing, then he'll beg and beg and beg to be let into the bedroom, so I let him in, go back to what I was doing, then he'll beg and beg and beg to be let out of the bedroom, so I let him out, go back to what I was doing, then he'll - Hey wait a minute...see, he's done it again...I have completely lost track of what I was talking about. Sneaky-ass cat! It's a big ploy, I tell you, he's trying to make me nuts!

Dixie has been with us a little over two years and still feels like she has to piss all over the place to mark her territory. Seriously. She has pissed on the rug, the bed, the couch, the ottoman, the cushiony foot thingy, in my closet, in the man man's closet, in my bathroom, in the man man's bathroom, inside the fireplace...it just doesn't stop! Dixie has resorted to disgusting me out.

It's an on-going battle between me and the cats...I will never give up. I will prevail. I will prevail.

Lunchtime Horror!

I went to Sonic today for lunch (I know, I know - the burgers are no good for my diet), I was sitting in quiet comfort of my car - listening to some Radiohead and enjoying my burger when...

Knock! - Knock! - Knock! "MISS! MISS! YOU WANT TO BUY SOME?"

Standing outside my window was a homeless man, who was obviously drunk (stinking drunk - I could smell him THROUGH the CLOSED window), probably on a great deal of crack (per the size of his pupils), and holding a dead rose.

"No. Thank. You."

Not more than 30 seconds later, and into the next bite of my burger, I shit you not, his buddy (equally as drunk, cracked out, and dead dead rose) "MISS! YOU WANT TO BUY SOME?"

"No. Thank. You."

Once I recovered from my SHOCK and locked my doors, pushed aside the fear, here comes the anger.

I have to say - I am not a prude, but I do not expect this sort of crap from a Sonic, I mean seriously - don't most corporate chain fast food restaurants have RULES against loitering????
SERIOUSLY! San Antonio does have a big problem with homeless people. Me and the man man really do try to help, we donate our time, our money, and plenty of stuff to the goodwill and ronald mcdonald house. I don't feel like I should have to donate any time, money, or stuff while I'm on my lunch break at the Sonic.

So, I call the manager of the Sonic. Here is what our converstation was like:

"This is 'the manager'"
"Hi, my name is Lisa and I am currenly sitting in stall 12 enjoying my delicious sonic burger. I wanted to let you know that there are a couple of drunk homeless guys out here haggling your customers." (Being the socially conscious person that I am)
"Oh, uh, were they really haggling you?" (like I did something wrong!)
"Excuse me?"
"Well, um, I talked to them earlier, um, and, um, they seemed pretty harmless, um, so I said, um, they could try to, um, sell, um, their flowers."
"Are you kidding me? You don't think that it's dangerous to have 2 obviously drunk and obviously cracked out homeless people in your driveway? In addition, it's extremely uncomfortable when two homeless guys are foaming at the mouth trying to get a buck off of me" "Well, um, they ARE homeless, and, uh, a little, um, wacky, but I don't think they are drunk, or um, threatening."
"Are you kidding me? I can smell him from here."
"Well, um, they just need to make a buck or two like everyone else."
"Listen, I work downtown, I come here a couple times a week (I can't believe I just admitted to that), so that I eat my lunch in the quiet and peace of my own car primarily so that I don't have to deal with PEOPLE for the measly 1/2 hour that I get for my lunch break and you are trying to tell my that I should have to deal with drunk-ass homeless people trying sell me some shit - because they are trying to make a buck or two? WTF! It is extremely uncomfortable and YES, I do feel THREATENED and NERVOUS with them knocking on my window! I imagine the other 10 people parked here with scowls on their faces feel the same way"
"Well, um, I told them it was okay"
"Well, maybe you should tell them it's not okay - kinda scary for us folks trying to enjoy our lunch. Don't ya think?"
"Well, I think you 'll be okay"
"Well, if the manager at Sonic thinks its okay then I must be all wrong about the two cracked out homeless guys that are stinking drunk - who are currently STARING in my front window. I'd like the number to your corporate office please."
CLICK!

The audicity of of that man. Did he forget that I was sitting right outside in the parking lot? If I wasn't seriously concerned about being accosted by these two men, I'd have marched right in there and unleashed hell. Serioulsy. So I went back to the office, got on the Sonic website and told them my little story. Let's just say they were none too pleased.

Now I am (and everybody I know in San Antonio) boycotting the Sonic. (Which kinda sucks cause how am I going to get my burger fix?) Seriously!

Texas Heat!

Yesterday at about 3pm I get a phone call from the man man. You know what he says, "Honey, the air conditioner just... went... out." HOLY CRAP! It's 97 freaking degrees outside - seriously!

So the man man deals with the insurance (GOD BLESS HIM) and they are supposed to send out someone in the morning to inspect the damage. The man man is up to 78 degrees. Poor thing.

So I go home after work - it's already 80 degrees inside the house.

We consider our options: Hotel? Well if it's just one night or two...but who know how long it's going to take to fix this. Tough it out? This is Texas - it's always tough. Window Unit? Well the Condo Association won't have that shit - it's against the rules. Portable Air Conditioner? Well the least expensive one we could find was $299 + tax! Move to Canada?Eh? Well...not yet.
It's up to 82 degrees

So we decide we'll just go and look and see what we can find. Stop of at Sonic for a large sweet tea. Make our way into Walmart. (barely - we almost got run down by some crazy old bitch in a piece of shit pontiac). Yep, the portable AC is $299. Looked at fans, coolers, etc. No good. Make our way over to the Lowes. Portable AC $449 - you've got me bent! So we go to the Big Lots (hey, we'll try anything at this point) No Luck. Called Sam's - No Luck. So we admit defeat and go back to the house - 84 degrees!

We think for just a moment, just a moment, that we can handle it. Open the windows, turn on the fans, get naked. Then we suck it up and head back to Walmart. Yes, we spent $299 + tax on a portable AC. 3 1/2 feet tall and 80 lbs of portable AC. Get back to the house and carry it up the stairs. IT WILL NOT WORK FOR US! Dedicated circuit, window exhaust, some other crap I couldn't understand. 86 degrees.

Back to Walmart. Refund. Window unit.

Back to the house. 86 degrees. Installation of window unit.

Bliss.

Open letters

An open letter to the drivers of San Antonio, Texas:

RED means stop. Yellow means slow down, you moron. Green means go, not finish touching up your mascara and go when it is convenient for you. Stop signs mean exactly that - you fucking stop, not just roll through that sucker because you 'looked both ways'. Oh yeah, and that triangular shaped one - you know - the one that says YIELD on it - that one means - YIELD TO ME MOTHAFUCKA!!!!!!

An open letter to Dog owners:

If you walk your dog along the side of a busy street with a 24 foot long leash - you dog will walk in the middle of the fucking street and will get run over by my little PT Cruiser. Get a clue and a shorter leash.

An open letter to the Construction Crews in San Antonio, Texas:

Contrary to popular belief - YOU DO NOT OWN THE ROAD AND MUST OBIDE BY TRAFFIC RULES - LIKE YIELDING TO ME YOU MUTHAFUCKAS! In addition - do you remember when you mother said, "Finish one thing before you start the next?" My mother said it to over and over - and guess what - it stuck. You really should consider starting ONE project on ONE side of town and COMPLETING it before you tear up another part of ConstructionTonio! Seriously - we are all REALLY fucking tired of all the construction. And one more thing...I'd love to stay within the lines on the 410, but you forgot to paint them! Go get it right. Paint that shit! Seriously!

An open letter to the creep show trying to sell me shit at the Valero:

I am a girl. I do not want to be approached by some dirty, smelly guy with a spray bottle of some crap that will allegedly clean the bird crap off my windsheild. Don't even think about spraying that shit on my car - if it's going to be dirty, I want it to be uniformily dirty - not dirty with a one nicely cleaned half of a windsheild. And do you really think I have any cash left over after paying $3.00 a gallon for gas (thank you Valero) to buy the next greatest thing in car wash supplies. Piss off.

An open letter to Bob Barker:

We all loved your show very much and you will be missed, but I truly believe that the animals will be thrilled to have their genitals back. The price is wrong, bitch!