Pussy

Me and the man man have two cats. Fritz and Dixie. Now, anyone who know me, knows how I feel about animals - I could do without. But, the man man was a package deal - he and the two cats. I have accepted it...it's worth it.

The cats, I am convinced, are out to get me...to suck the life out of me. Seriously. I know that they plot and plan behind my back to get me out. They scheme and connive. They are slowly trying to edge me out. They are clever and witty little bastards, too. They'll purr and paw and snuggle up to the man man, and scratch and hiss at me.

Fritz will beg and beg and beg to be let into the bedroom, so I let him in, go back to what I was doing, then he'll beg and beg and beg to be let out of the bedroom, so I let him out, go back to what I was doing, then he'll beg and beg and beg to be let into the bedroom, so I let him in, go back to what I was doing, then he'll beg and beg and beg to be let out of the bedroom, so I let him out, go back to what I was doing, then he'll - Hey wait a minute...see, he's done it again...I have completely lost track of what I was talking about. Sneaky-ass cat! It's a big ploy, I tell you, he's trying to make me nuts!

Dixie has been with us a little over two years and still feels like she has to piss all over the place to mark her territory. Seriously. She has pissed on the rug, the bed, the couch, the ottoman, the cushiony foot thingy, in my closet, in the man man's closet, in my bathroom, in the man man's bathroom, inside the fireplace...it just doesn't stop! Dixie has resorted to disgusting me out.

It's an on-going battle between me and the cats...I will never give up. I will prevail. I will prevail.