Open letters

An open letter to the drivers of San Antonio, Texas:

RED means stop. Yellow means slow down, you moron. Green means go, not finish touching up your mascara and go when it is convenient for you. Stop signs mean exactly that - you fucking stop, not just roll through that sucker because you 'looked both ways'. Oh yeah, and that triangular shaped one - you know - the one that says YIELD on it - that one means - YIELD TO ME MOTHAFUCKA!!!!!!

An open letter to Dog owners:

If you walk your dog along the side of a busy street with a 24 foot long leash - you dog will walk in the middle of the fucking street and will get run over by my little PT Cruiser. Get a clue and a shorter leash.

An open letter to the Construction Crews in San Antonio, Texas:

Contrary to popular belief - YOU DO NOT OWN THE ROAD AND MUST OBIDE BY TRAFFIC RULES - LIKE YIELDING TO ME YOU MUTHAFUCKAS! In addition - do you remember when you mother said, "Finish one thing before you start the next?" My mother said it to over and over - and guess what - it stuck. You really should consider starting ONE project on ONE side of town and COMPLETING it before you tear up another part of ConstructionTonio! Seriously - we are all REALLY fucking tired of all the construction. And one more thing...I'd love to stay within the lines on the 410, but you forgot to paint them! Go get it right. Paint that shit! Seriously!

An open letter to the creep show trying to sell me shit at the Valero:

I am a girl. I do not want to be approached by some dirty, smelly guy with a spray bottle of some crap that will allegedly clean the bird crap off my windsheild. Don't even think about spraying that shit on my car - if it's going to be dirty, I want it to be uniformily dirty - not dirty with a one nicely cleaned half of a windsheild. And do you really think I have any cash left over after paying $3.00 a gallon for gas (thank you Valero) to buy the next greatest thing in car wash supplies. Piss off.

An open letter to Bob Barker:

We all loved your show very much and you will be missed, but I truly believe that the animals will be thrilled to have their genitals back. The price is wrong, bitch!